It soon was clear that I was a particularly sensitive child. I could feel and sense a world that I later realized was a world that most of the people surrounding me could not or did not want to perceive.
The entire physical experience was filled with experiences that would take my breath away. The rain, the wind, the different layers of light throughout the day, the smells, the sounds, everything was a delightful surprise. I often had tears of joy from the profound love and sense of oneness that those experiences would make me feel.
However, as I was progressing through the path, I would realize that there was a degree of separation among all of us and also a general fear of being truly ourselves, happy and free. Of course in the early times of my life I could not explain such feelings in this manner, however, my awareness of this situation was there.
The entire system–school, family, friends, even that place were God was suppose to be, the church–seemed to be sponsoring the ideas of separation, guilt, and harshness, pulling away from what was natural and joyful, but promoting feelings that were unpleasant and unnatural.
I almost immediately learned to make use of my imagination and of my deep desire to create in order to somehow transform the energies of what appeared to be a castrating world around me.
At first I would spend time creating magical imaginative worlds out of anything available in that moment. It might have been wallpaper with colorful geometrical forms, or ants walking on the balcony, or flowers moving in the gentle breeze or water drops from the raining sky. Everything would immediately trigger the creation of fantastic worlds of wonder and imaginative characters.
Then later when I reached 4-5 years of age I started being creative in many other ways, drawing being one of them. But there was one thing that I would find absolutely irresistible since the earliest days I could recall; the sound of Music. When I would hear music I would enter an overwhelming state of love for everything that existed. It did not matter if the present characters and situations were positive or negative, joyful or painful, they would instantly turn into love and oneness when music was playing.
Music became for me the way to dissipate all the illusionary experiences of separation. When Music was present, every thing and every one would become an ocean of pure unconditional love.
I experienced this over and over throughout my childhood and adolescence. It was and is an experience I still feel to this present day.